September 16, 2013

Things I Am Not Allowed To Do

Things I am not allowed to do while working for a multinational bank:

  1. No quotes from Karl Marx in my email signature block, even for internal emails.
  2. No quotes from Adam Smith either.
  3. Also no Latin mottos that are non-obvious. In fact, just use the default .sig.
  4. People from England get confused when told to press the "pound" key on their telephones. It took a moment to realize why.
  5. When a malfunctioning alarm panel calls 911 five times in a row, the police don't want to hear jokes.
  6. Any story that begins "So no shit, there I was, in..." shall be considered inappropriate for work.
  7. I will walk the extra 20 yards to the escalator that is already going the direction I want to go. I will not use my override to reverse the direction of the nearest escalator.
  8. Techniques used to calm freaking-out Marines are not to be used to calm freaking-out bank tellers.

Posted by: Boviate at 07:32 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 re 8.  So just what are the proper techniques to calm a bank or credit union teller, as there is a very small, but finite, probability that I might need to know such critical information.  

Posted by: John Helfinstine at Tuesday, September 17 2013 08:36 PM (94MTF)

2 Soft voice, get him/her to focus on slowing respiration rate, repeat "It's OK, they're gone now, and security is on the way."

The Marine method involves yelling and the position of attention, to trigger in ingrained obedience reflex.

Posted by: Boviate at Friday, October 11 2013 11:34 PM (CeQ+R)

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