Last weekend Hil and I went to the wedding of our friends Steve N. and Lacey J. Really, Steve is a friend to both of us, but I barely know Lacey, so the invitation was to Hilary and I was the "and guest."

The wedding was on Sunday afternoon at a banquet hall, on a weekend when the Buffalo Bills were trying to go 4-0. Note that before the NFL season began, the consensus was that the Bills would win two games all year. The week prior, the Bills beat the New England Patriots, who were pre-season favorites to go to the Super Bowl, ending a 13-game losing streak in the rivalry. (The Bills last beat the Pats in 1999.) So what I'm saying is, pretty much everyone in Buffalo was crammed into Ralph Wilson Stadium or watching the TV at home at 3 PM on Sunday. We were joking about exactly how easy it must have been to reserve the hall.

At any rate, getting dressed into our formal best always takes longer than expected, plus we decided at the last moment that the gift needed rewrapped. So we left with just enough time to make it for the 3 PM start time.

Until, on the drive down, I took a right when I should have taken a left. Whoops! We ended up arriving at the site at about 3:05, and as the couple actually started exactly on time, we ended up standing in the back of the room. I had dropped off Hil at the door and went off to park (it was raining, so I wanted to spare her getting wet), so I even missed the procession of the wedding party and the march of the groom. I did get inside before the bride made her appearance, though. And there were a good dozen of us late arrivals standing in the back, perhaps 10% of the whole crowd, so we didn't stand out too badly.

The minister wasn't very good, as he had a very strange speaking style. As he read the service, he placed vocal emphasis in very strange places and on inappropriate words. The text itself was fine, though. The groom and bride spoke their own vows, and as the newly married couple had their kiss, a single tear trickled down my friend Iggy's craggy cheek. Iggy's wife was thrilled that his stony heart had melted to the romance. The truth is, he'd been watching his smartphone, and as the bride said "I do" the Cincinnati Bengals kicked a field goal with four seconds left to seal the Bills's first loss of the year.

After the ceremony an open bar opened up, and all the young people in attendance stampeded over to whet their whistles. Hors d'oeuvre began coming out, and after an hour it was reception dinner time. The food was quite good. Hil was seated to my right, of course, but to my left was seated a girl getting the only vegetarian meal that had been requested. We joked that the kitchen probably didn't actually make it themselves, they just sent the bus boy off to a restaurant somewhere to get it as takeout.

Then came dancing, naturally. I did much more dancing than I normally do at weddings. Perhaps as I get older I don't care about my dignity as much. Or perhaps because there wasn't any family there, I didn't feel as self-conscious? I dunno. Hil did more dancing than I did anyway.

The it was garter time. The garter landed well short of the assembled gentlemen, and my friend Marc S. was the closest one, so he picked it up. Next was the bouquet toss. Once again, it landed well short. The closest person was… Hil.

So we had the spectacle of Marc putting the garter on Hil, while Marc's girlfriend and I gave comic glares. In a twist that was new to me, as soon as he was finished installing the garter, the DJ had Marc sit down, Hil take off the garter, and she put it on him! "Just as high as he put it on you!" The crowd was in stitches, as men's suit trouser legs are tailed tightly enough to be difficult to pull up very high.

In a final note, I may be the first person to have applied Godwin's Law to a wedding. I brought along a copy of Hitler and the Fall of Weimar Germany because my readings for school are never done. Sorry, Steve and Lacey! And best wishes to the both of you!

Posted by: Boviate at 09:35 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 765 words, total size 4 kb.